Choices

My first friend ever was adopted. I think that is where the idea of adoption became a reality for me. By the time I was in 5th grade, I knew I wanted to adopt, even if I gave birth I wanted to adopt as well. I wanted to have 8 children. My husband wanted 1. He thinks we met in the middle. His idea of middle is scewed but that is another blog. We have 2 children both adopted at birth. We are a transracial family that delights in being unique.

My friend and her family visited me a few years ago on thanksgiving and shortly after her dad passed away. Her Dad was her dad never her adoptive dad. She would tell you that. I watched my friend as a child have an argumentative relationship with her mom. It is so interesting to me because there isn't a thing she wouldn't do for either of her folks if they'd ask her. Yet, her life choices reflect just the opposite of what her adoptive mom would hope for her. Her mom wants her to marry-she refuses. Her mom wanted her to wear dresses-she wears the closest to men's clothing she could find. I could go on and on but that is her story not mine.
  
The only thing I know her  mom wouldn't want that my friend doesn't do is to open the door to a relationship with her birthfamily. Not that she has asked my friend not to just that it would hurt her  mom greatly. My friend who I watch struggle in the not knowing .....why, who, history.....isn't willing to cross this line even though she would chose to cross the line in most other things her mom wants.

I want to see my friend as healthy as possible and I believe if she opened the door it would bring healing to her relationship with her adoptive mom.  This is a portion of history that has me wanting to keep the door open with my eldest's birth family. Even if it hurts me I want my children to be healthy. I have my life and make my choices they are just beginning life and must be free to make their choices whether I like the choices or not, whether those choices hurt me or not.