Open Adoption

I am an adoptive parent.  We have an open adoption with our eldest' s birth family. My youngest's birth family moved shortly after giving birth and chose not to give us any further information when they moved. They also do not pick up any information from our adoption agent. I was open to open adoption because our agent was so pro open adoption and she'd been involved and enjoyed open adoption. I believe it takes some unique gifted individuals to have an open adoption that is for sure.

I am forever grateful for the gift of parenthood and I couldn't have become a parent without the birth families of our children. In theory I love the idea of more people  loving my child. The idea it makes them feel more secure and loved. In everyday life, it seems more like there is another familly that has the potential to hurt my child(ren) and I am powerless to do anything about the birth families decisions.

My youngest hasn't had an open adoption and he says, "I've closed that door" when I periodically ask him if he has any adoption questions." He also appears to be confident and comfortable with his family(us).

My eldest has struggled so much more and I wonder is the difference open adoption or just the difference in personalities and life experiences. Prior to moving my eldest's birthmother carried another child, she considered surrendering. In the end she chose parenting for which I was thankful for her and the baby, but I was so sad for my child who is the middle child of her birth family. I was so stressed and must have done a great job not showing it because in the end my eldest was happy to have a baby sister and glad for their family. Yet, I've also held her as she's asked why didn't she want me?'s The powerlessness of the relationship can be overwhelming.
      My daughter's birthmother and older sibling used to spend a portion of Christmas with us each year. Friends and family who spend time with us at Christmas and other times a year where often vocal as to their desire for me to shut that door. I only had one friend also an adoptive mom who asked me "What if you are opening a door that she (my daughter) doesn't want open?" I only really understood this question after the fact and thought it was a good one. I think it should be my child's desire to open the door-not mine. Yet, I still feel compelled to want to contact these women who gave me the most precious, wonderful gifts of my lifetime. I feel compelled to let them know how their gifts have made my life better and how the child they carried for 9 months is doing on this journey called life.