Basketball party
In an effort to support the coach of the Blazers basketball team, we offered to host a end of the season party to celebrate the team coming together and working as a team when facing giants. Really, it was amazing to sit on the sideline and watch 2nd and 3rd graders be refined as silver while playing a game of basketball. I was so proud of each child on the team for giving their personal best in the final game.
Why is it that 2nd isn't valued as highly as it ought to be? We have become a society set on competition rather than being the best we can whether we come in 2nd or 13th or whatever. Isn't character more important than being first? Well, that is what this party was about trying to have kids see the value of being refined as silver because one day they will be in first place. The problem with first place is that the wolves want to take you down when you get there and you have to be prepared to know you will never make everyone happy so you have to have the wisdom to balance making yourself happy while at the same time serving others. Because that is why we are here- to serve others and glorify the Lord in the process.
The evening came to a culmination with one parent and child lingering, we were happy for the fellowship. That is until I was a dope. The great thing is I believe I have the best kids in the world, understanding that their mom has never parented before them and that being part of an adoptive family differs from all the families who are formed via biology only.
So, we are having a conversation and the little boy, let's call him X. X seems suprised that my daughter is adopted, despite the fact I am pasty white and my children are boldly black. There was an assumption that possibly my children were mine from a previous relationship. I love when folks are so open minded. The conversation was going along swimmingly with the usual, well why couldn't her birth parents raise her? My daughter stepped up to bat on that one. This is her story, we've gone over it again and again. She only has to share if she wants to. And she likes to share unlike her brother who will walk away from the curiosity of even his closest friends.
X considers my daughter's response and looks at me and says, "Well, why didn't they think of that before they had a baby?" As my brain is processing this question as quickly as possible, so I don't look stupid out of my mouth comes....because of sin. (It is carnal desires that cause folks to participate in activities that result in embreyos that continue to develop until gestation is complete. And wala, my beautiful children came into the world and I met them at the hospital. )
X asks, "Are you catholic?"
My daughter says, "No she is a lady pastor." as she comes up and puts a defending arm around me. (I am only a believer of the Lord Jesus who isn't afraid to talk spiritual stuff, no pastor title to my credentials)
I didn't want to explain carnal desires to an 8 year old. I also didn't go into the conversation about King David possibly being a result of carnal desires and that was why he was out in the field tending sheep rather than seeing the prophet. Or the countless other times God used various prodigy who were the result of carnal desires-Bathsheba's and David's son to accomplish his purposes. And I completely failed to say that which is most important-Because I wouldn't have my fabulous daughter or son!
Folks-we can argue til we are blue in the face the issue whether my children were predestined to be with me or if it was by chance or if the ugly lie that so many try to strap us with that we are somehow wonderful because we are parenting "them" Lord help the blind is all I can say. I used to want to punch you if you are in that category but I am aware that I have a blindside too and I believe it was evident as I tried to answer questions at a basketball party.
I was playing in the yard with my son the other day and I had this sense that I have always known him, that he was set aside to be my son. Really folks, our finite minds may not be able to comprehend everyone's mistakes and successes and keep it all together, but isn't it absolutely amazing that we serve a God who can and does. HE knew since before the creation of the world-you and me and my children and yours. He knew how he'd bring our families together. In 5th grade HE revealed Mickhala to me. In 5th grade, HE revealed I'd live, in Ohio, despite my best arguments to say I'd never live there. Oh, now how glad I am that I went.
I learned a few things or was simply reminded about:
1. My children love me despite my ineptness and support me til I get it.
2. A person's past does not determine his/her future.
3. A person's family biological, foster or adoptive does not determine the choices of the child. We all have an opportunity to impact but we cannot take credit for those choices whether good or bad.
4. Our minds are so finite, it's okay, enjoy the journey anyway!
5. I have an amazing family.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Patience Cultivator
Somedays I swear are designed to cultivate patience and trust in the Lord. Last night, was one of those nights and today the saga continues. This morning, I took the kids to school and then ran to the city next to us to the library. My daughter has a map due with the dimensions 16x20.
The first maps my spouse got from off line and they were too small. Next, I went to the library previously, I checked the operational hours but failed to remember them . On that visit I was able to get a 11X17 map without the provinces marked. Last night, we sat trying to recreate the provinces and label them. By the end of the process my daughter and I were good. But during the process both of our levels of patience were tested to say the least. Frustration and huffing. God bless my husband for finishing the dishes for me so I could give my dear daughter more of the attention she required to complete the task.
This morning, I decided marked provinces were going to be a neccesity for this project. Back to the library I go...hi ho hi ho. I was there an hour prior to operating hours. During my hour of free time I attempted to get pictures required for a project for my son's class. The machine for printing the photos now or in 24 hours was down. I could go one more city over. Of course! The woman behind the photo printing counter and I had a great laugh at my day thus far. I decided to run into a grocery next door to the store with the photo shop. On the way, I passed a coffee bar and the woman tending it asked if I wanted a coffee,
"best in town, been here for 22 years." she said.
I replied, "when I come out of the store I'll stop by to see you" forgetting I only had plastic and a dollar and change to my name. That didn't stop me from getting a coffee from Kim, after finding consumables for the man who has everything in life, Grandpa. Kim and I had a nice conversation longer than anticipated, due to the rain her charge machine wasn't picking up a signal. I emptied the found treasures from the store into the Highlander. Then, headed over to our family doctor which is found in the same parking lot. I filled out all necessary paperwork so they could get my medical records from our old hometown.
Off to my second visit, I was able to get what I needed out of a real encyclopedia which is my preferred way to complete this task. I had found a great map on line but we don't have a printer currently and the of course even with the website address we couldn't find the map at the library.
I currently have a small map on a 11x17 piece of paper. I called a print shop to find out if they could help me get my map enlarged to the correct dimensions. No, but a blueprint shop can help me two cities away from where I live. Great and the cost of what the blueprint company does was uncertain but the 2nd part of the printing would be about $15-. Okay, I really don't love these projects....first my child's work at 3rd grade on this project would be very different from what I feel compelled to help her with. There are portions of this project that she would never be able to do herself. It turns out to be my homework and then the cost, which I hate to complain about but after she gets a grade for it this project will go in the garbage despite her desire to keep it forever. Hopefully, the skills we gain in the process will stay with us forever. Great news, her teacher just returned the call I made to her and she said we can use the map we currently have in hand. Does this mean I have completed the necessary patience to proceed on the journey?
Somedays I swear are designed to cultivate patience and trust in the Lord. Last night, was one of those nights and today the saga continues. This morning, I took the kids to school and then ran to the city next to us to the library. My daughter has a map due with the dimensions 16x20.
The first maps my spouse got from off line and they were too small. Next, I went to the library previously, I checked the operational hours but failed to remember them . On that visit I was able to get a 11X17 map without the provinces marked. Last night, we sat trying to recreate the provinces and label them. By the end of the process my daughter and I were good. But during the process both of our levels of patience were tested to say the least. Frustration and huffing. God bless my husband for finishing the dishes for me so I could give my dear daughter more of the attention she required to complete the task.
This morning, I decided marked provinces were going to be a neccesity for this project. Back to the library I go...hi ho hi ho. I was there an hour prior to operating hours. During my hour of free time I attempted to get pictures required for a project for my son's class. The machine for printing the photos now or in 24 hours was down. I could go one more city over. Of course! The woman behind the photo printing counter and I had a great laugh at my day thus far. I decided to run into a grocery next door to the store with the photo shop. On the way, I passed a coffee bar and the woman tending it asked if I wanted a coffee,
"best in town, been here for 22 years." she said.
I replied, "when I come out of the store I'll stop by to see you" forgetting I only had plastic and a dollar and change to my name. That didn't stop me from getting a coffee from Kim, after finding consumables for the man who has everything in life, Grandpa. Kim and I had a nice conversation longer than anticipated, due to the rain her charge machine wasn't picking up a signal. I emptied the found treasures from the store into the Highlander. Then, headed over to our family doctor which is found in the same parking lot. I filled out all necessary paperwork so they could get my medical records from our old hometown.
Off to my second visit, I was able to get what I needed out of a real encyclopedia which is my preferred way to complete this task. I had found a great map on line but we don't have a printer currently and the of course even with the website address we couldn't find the map at the library.
I currently have a small map on a 11x17 piece of paper. I called a print shop to find out if they could help me get my map enlarged to the correct dimensions. No, but a blueprint shop can help me two cities away from where I live. Great and the cost of what the blueprint company does was uncertain but the 2nd part of the printing would be about $15-. Okay, I really don't love these projects....first my child's work at 3rd grade on this project would be very different from what I feel compelled to help her with. There are portions of this project that she would never be able to do herself. It turns out to be my homework and then the cost, which I hate to complain about but after she gets a grade for it this project will go in the garbage despite her desire to keep it forever. Hopefully, the skills we gain in the process will stay with us forever. Great news, her teacher just returned the call I made to her and she said we can use the map we currently have in hand. Does this mean I have completed the necessary patience to proceed on the journey?
Emotional momma and drama daughter
Two nights ago, the lady who commutes with my spouse to work sent me two books to read. I was so thrilled and said that I was feeling so emotional by this kindness.
My daughter says, "Oh mom, you are so emotional" as she rolled her eyes. I responded back if you get to be drama (her name) I can be emotional momma. I cry when I am happy, I cry when I am sad, even when I laugh hard I cry. It bothers me and apparently my daughter as well. I know it bothers my husband even more. I am just short of turning a half century old. I doubt I will ever change. And they say those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter. Well, two of my family members here at home and more in my extended family mind I can't say they don't matter. So, I guess I can say it's their problem not mine and love them anyway.
Two nights ago, the lady who commutes with my spouse to work sent me two books to read. I was so thrilled and said that I was feeling so emotional by this kindness.
My daughter says, "Oh mom, you are so emotional" as she rolled her eyes. I responded back if you get to be drama (her name) I can be emotional momma. I cry when I am happy, I cry when I am sad, even when I laugh hard I cry. It bothers me and apparently my daughter as well. I know it bothers my husband even more. I am just short of turning a half century old. I doubt I will ever change. And they say those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter. Well, two of my family members here at home and more in my extended family mind I can't say they don't matter. So, I guess I can say it's their problem not mine and love them anyway.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Two Recipes
Here are two favorite salads I said I'd share with you Auntie Enjoy!
Harvest Slaw
Cook
2 chopped garlic cloves
2tsp caraway seeds
in 3 TBS olive oil 1 minute
whisk in 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
and 1 TBS honey
On platter place 4 cups red cabbage shredded
2 apples sliced
1 handful each dried cranberries and pecans
Toss with warm dressing and top with cilantro
Pomegranate Green Salad
Dressing: 2 TBS red wine vinegar
1 TBS grey poupon
1 tsp sugar
whisk 1/4 cup olive oil
stir in seeds of 1 pomegranate
Toss into greens of your choice
Top with Parmesean cheese and honey roasted peanuts (due to G's allergies I used pecans that I candied by toasting in a pan with a little sugar.)
Harvest Slaw
Cook
2 chopped garlic cloves
2tsp caraway seeds
in 3 TBS olive oil 1 minute
whisk in 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
and 1 TBS honey
On platter place 4 cups red cabbage shredded
2 apples sliced
1 handful each dried cranberries and pecans
Toss with warm dressing and top with cilantro
Pomegranate Green Salad
Dressing: 2 TBS red wine vinegar
1 TBS grey poupon
1 tsp sugar
whisk 1/4 cup olive oil
stir in seeds of 1 pomegranate
Toss into greens of your choice
Top with Parmesean cheese and honey roasted peanuts (due to G's allergies I used pecans that I candied by toasting in a pan with a little sugar.)
Choices
My first friend ever was adopted. I think that is where the idea of adoption became a reality for me. By the time I was in 5th grade, I knew I wanted to adopt, even if I gave birth I wanted to adopt as well. I wanted to have 8 children. My husband wanted 1. He thinks we met in the middle. His idea of middle is scewed but that is another blog. We have 2 children both adopted at birth. We are a transracial family that delights in being unique.
My friend and her family visited me a few years ago on thanksgiving and shortly after her dad passed away. Her Dad was her dad never her adoptive dad. She would tell you that. I watched my friend as a child have an argumentative relationship with her mom. It is so interesting to me because there isn't a thing she wouldn't do for either of her folks if they'd ask her. Yet, her life choices reflect just the opposite of what her adoptive mom would hope for her. Her mom wants her to marry-she refuses. Her mom wanted her to wear dresses-she wears the closest to men's clothing she could find. I could go on and on but that is her story not mine.
The only thing I know her mom wouldn't want that my friend doesn't do is to open the door to a relationship with her birthfamily. Not that she has asked my friend not to just that it would hurt her mom greatly. My friend who I watch struggle in the not knowing .....why, who, history.....isn't willing to cross this line even though she would chose to cross the line in most other things her mom wants.
I want to see my friend as healthy as possible and I believe if she opened the door it would bring healing to her relationship with her adoptive mom. This is a portion of history that has me wanting to keep the door open with my eldest's birth family. Even if it hurts me I want my children to be healthy. I have my life and make my choices they are just beginning life and must be free to make their choices whether I like the choices or not, whether those choices hurt me or not.
My friend and her family visited me a few years ago on thanksgiving and shortly after her dad passed away. Her Dad was her dad never her adoptive dad. She would tell you that. I watched my friend as a child have an argumentative relationship with her mom. It is so interesting to me because there isn't a thing she wouldn't do for either of her folks if they'd ask her. Yet, her life choices reflect just the opposite of what her adoptive mom would hope for her. Her mom wants her to marry-she refuses. Her mom wanted her to wear dresses-she wears the closest to men's clothing she could find. I could go on and on but that is her story not mine.
The only thing I know her mom wouldn't want that my friend doesn't do is to open the door to a relationship with her birthfamily. Not that she has asked my friend not to just that it would hurt her mom greatly. My friend who I watch struggle in the not knowing .....why, who, history.....isn't willing to cross this line even though she would chose to cross the line in most other things her mom wants.
I want to see my friend as healthy as possible and I believe if she opened the door it would bring healing to her relationship with her adoptive mom. This is a portion of history that has me wanting to keep the door open with my eldest's birth family. Even if it hurts me I want my children to be healthy. I have my life and make my choices they are just beginning life and must be free to make their choices whether I like the choices or not, whether those choices hurt me or not.
A wedding invitation
Years ago, my friend's grandson was married- adoptive, birth family, as well as friends and bride's family gathered to celebrate. My eldest was maybe 4 at the time.
My friend, part of the birth family brought pictures back of the new couple. There was so much the birth family had missed in the development of their birth grandson. Yet, they went and rejoiced in the opportunity to celebrate this new union. When they returned home and shared pictures it was if they'd spent time with their favorite grandchild whom they'd had years of history with. They shared with me how hospitable their son's(grandsons) adoptive mother was to them during their stay. And it left me so perplexed as the birth grandma was my friend who didn't want me to allow my daughter's birthfamily to spend holidays with us.
I remember thinking how amazing this adoptive mom must have been.....I want to be a woman who will rejoice in having my child's other mom be their on the day he/she wed. But, right now, honestly I don't want to share that day with another mother.
My friend, part of the birth family brought pictures back of the new couple. There was so much the birth family had missed in the development of their birth grandson. Yet, they went and rejoiced in the opportunity to celebrate this new union. When they returned home and shared pictures it was if they'd spent time with their favorite grandchild whom they'd had years of history with. They shared with me how hospitable their son's(grandsons) adoptive mother was to them during their stay. And it left me so perplexed as the birth grandma was my friend who didn't want me to allow my daughter's birthfamily to spend holidays with us.
I remember thinking how amazing this adoptive mom must have been.....I want to be a woman who will rejoice in having my child's other mom be their on the day he/she wed. But, right now, honestly I don't want to share that day with another mother.
letting go
One of the most verbal folks that used to dissuade me from inviting my eldest's birth family for the holidays shared with me the other day a story. It isn't my story but it makes me wonder how I will handle life if it plays out this way. This letting go ....letting go of control...of our children.
My friend is a grandmother who watched from the sidelines her birthgrandson be adopted. There is an open adoption. Birthmom, my friend's daughter, has gotten her life together and done well in serving others for over a decade. The birthgrandson is now married and just had a son. The birthgrandson is going to move from his adoptive family's city to the city of his birthmom. To be more exact he, his wife and child will be moving into his birthmom's house and begin working in the same service industry his birthmother works in. This may allow my friend who is a grandmom to watch her great grandson for which she is forever pleased. She requested I pray over this situation as she is concerned about what a huge leap of faith it is. Her grandson is leaving a job he has worked at for a number of years and it is a good company.
My heart went out to his adoptive mother. Maybe she is a better woman than me, maybe she has had the opportunity to grow over the years for I know I've grown over the years and it's only been 8. He is in his 20's..... All I know is from this view point, if my children have their first child, my grandchid and then move across the country to move in with their birth families I will feel a great sense of loss, if either one of them leaves to do so. Yet, I suppose that is how my mom feels about me choosing to live across the country near my husband's family rather than near my birthfamily.
My friend is a grandmother who watched from the sidelines her birthgrandson be adopted. There is an open adoption. Birthmom, my friend's daughter, has gotten her life together and done well in serving others for over a decade. The birthgrandson is now married and just had a son. The birthgrandson is going to move from his adoptive family's city to the city of his birthmom. To be more exact he, his wife and child will be moving into his birthmom's house and begin working in the same service industry his birthmother works in. This may allow my friend who is a grandmom to watch her great grandson for which she is forever pleased. She requested I pray over this situation as she is concerned about what a huge leap of faith it is. Her grandson is leaving a job he has worked at for a number of years and it is a good company.
My heart went out to his adoptive mother. Maybe she is a better woman than me, maybe she has had the opportunity to grow over the years for I know I've grown over the years and it's only been 8. He is in his 20's..... All I know is from this view point, if my children have their first child, my grandchid and then move across the country to move in with their birth families I will feel a great sense of loss, if either one of them leaves to do so. Yet, I suppose that is how my mom feels about me choosing to live across the country near my husband's family rather than near my birthfamily.
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